Longshanks – part 3

So date 2 with Longshanks had come to a rushed end. I didn't really have an answer to his disappointing question, and just sat there staring at him. Not exactly the confident, strong image I was trying to portray. More rabbit in the headlights. As I wasn’t saying anything, my date started amassing a ridiculous amount of information on how he wasn’t sure whether he felt like committing, what with the distance and whatnot, plus he had vague plans of travelling and such, accompanied by a general desire to escape his routine. Ah, the joy.

Now, this didn’t come like a complete surprise. He had mentioned travelling during our long talks. He had also mentioned how he had not been single for long after the end of a long-term relationship, and how he felt like he needed something different. I guess I was hearing the words but I wasn’t really registering the message. My brain would just convert this to ‘we’ll go travelling together’ and ‘I’ll be the novelty you need to shake up your routine and make your life exciting again’.

My ass.

Therefore date 2 was hastily concluded with the first bit of awkwardness between us: he said he’d better go as he had a longish drive in front of him, and also he wanted to give me some time and space to think.

Ouch. I spent the rest of that evening taking it out on the kitchen – the place needed a good scrub, anyway – and ruminating over Longshanks’ words. He had been fairly clear, and quite honest. He couldn’t promise much. He didn’t know where his life was heading. Maybe he wanted to move away, maybe he wanted to travel. He certainly wanted to do something new with his life. All of which would certainly mean hanging out with women, but probably not yours truly.

I was faced with a dilemma: make a swift exit while I was still unscathed and be thankful that he had been relatively honest with me? Or decide to hang around and fall deeper, which would inevitably mean more pain at some point down the line? I can now see clearly that I was driven by sheer lust and physical attraction. How can you possibly fall for somebody who’s giving you none of the right signals? I’m not that naïve and I didn’t believe for one second that I could change his mind or convince him that I was worth sticking around or whatever else. I simply wanted to be with him, just for that little bit longer.

I was still very unsure of what to do and how to face communication with him, when I received a text from him early the following week. I was out for a run and I remember stopping to check my phone and my heart beating that bit faster when I saw it was him – although I could also blame that on the uphill bit I had just conquered. The text didn’t mention us, a potential date or anything in particular. It was just a funny remark at something he’d just seen on the street. It could have been addressed to anybody... but somehow I took it as a sign that he wanted to talk. In hindsight, I think my brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen.

I skipped back home and flung myself into my room. Technically my run wasn’t finished, but the hell with that. I dialled his number and tried to sound all cool and relaxed. If he asked, I decided I’d blame the shaky tone to exercise-induced shortness of breath. Yeah, right.

We had a bit of banter about general stuff, work, pushing yourself to going for a run after a long day in work, our respective weeks and such. Then I suddenly found myself mentioning our last date. How I had been thinking about what he said. How I was cool with just hanging out for a while and see how things went. How there was no reason for things to get serious and committed and exclusive just yet.

Yep, I said that.

I openly and unsolicitedly declared that I was happy for him to go out with me and also with any other girl of his choice. Oh dear. I hung up with a feeling of exhilaration. I had just bagged myself a third date with the man of my dreams. In return, I might have just given away my integrity, pride, and potentially my mental health.

I don’t even like sharing food. Or office stationery. How was I ever going to be cool dating somebody who was clearly up for a game and a laugh, and nothing more? There was only one thing for me to do. 

Buy new underwear.

Pupa x